Disgruntled Nation

I have yet to get my hands on one of the day’s periodicals but I’m sure it will do nothing more then franticly assure me the state is going bankrupt while a selection of nicely compiled graphs will show the continued freefall in value of my AIB shares. This week the government announced a series of ’cost-saving measures’ which amounted to no more then cutting foreign aid and postponing projects. Fianna Fail in living standards Frankenbrian, Minister for Financial Collapse, came out and told us that he would be looking at ways in which departments could amalgamate or get rid of sections within departments to save money. This means that for the past few years departments have operated with sections that a) do nothing and b) do the same thing as some other section. John Gormley put an optimistic spin on things when he announced that the vote rigging machines purchased some years earlier are only costing us €500k to store per year now, down from €750k. Wow, that’s something to be proud of. Ah, but what little point is there of talking about the money that’s gone? It’s gone and we have to move forward. The government has only announced cuts, no mention so far of how it’s going to resurrect the economy. Surly their not expecting a resurgence in the housing industry? What we need now is to come up with new ways of financing the states coffins…sorry, coffers.
Aside from selling the vote rigging machines to our good friend Robert Mugabe, I’d say he’d be able to find use for them, we could follow the route of Poland and the Czech Republic by signing up for the American proposal and allow them to build an anti-missile shield in O’Connell St. where the Spire is. I’ve never liked that thing. Other then the money we’d recoup by knocking it and selling it to the Chinese for scrap it reminds me too much of one of the earlier chapters of that shite ‘The Da Vinci Code‘. Our man Robert Langdon has been picked up by the French Gardai and are flying away of the place with the pictures when they pass the Eifel Tower. The Garda (they have Gardai in France don’t they?) asks our man what he thinks of the Tower and he goes off into his head thinking about how the big tall monster of a yoke is a symbol of ‘French manhood‘. I trust I speak for many of my fellow fellows when I say that that thin, lanky, scrawny thing with a light bulb on top of it in the nations capital is a poor reflection of Irish manhood.
Anyway, like I was saying, we knock the God damn thing and stick up the 10 or so interceptor missiles that are being offered to Poland and the Czech Republic. At the moment a deal hasn’t been signed by Poland and the US as Poland is looking for more money to revamp it’s army and air force, more then the US is willing to part with. Today’s Tehran Times however says the Prime Minister has managed to get the Presidents support for the venture and if Ireland doesn’t want to miss out we’ll have to move fast.
I can hear you drawing in breath and I advise you not to waste your time. The Americans are carrying out rendition flights through Shannon airport. Neutrality went out the door years ago and just because we can’t see that happening but we’ll be able to see the missile shield makes no difference.
As well as the money that we’ll get there’ll be added benefits. A certain pazazz will be added to future 1916 parades as the dignitaries look out from the shadows of the GPO onto the Defence Forces marching past 10 missiles. And of course should some country like Iran have, which is unlikely, an intercontinental ballistic missile with a nuclear warhead we can shot it down over Britain, evening out all that ‘800 years’ stuff with about 12,000 years of nuclear fallout.
Now if you excuse me I’m going to go pen a letter to the government putting forward my brilliant plan.

This entry was posted on Saturday, July 12th, 2008 at 4:41 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.