Disgruntled Nation

Ah to be woken in the morning by the melodic tones of Ssam Ssmith on the Sunday Morning Business Thing on Today FM. As you can tell I am not an early riser. Indeed the show was half over before I woke up.
Smith was discussing the apparent upcoming literary contribution by the De-crowned King of Ireland Bertie Ahern. In studio with him he had Brian Hayes of Fine Gael and some random Fianna Fail Councillor who’s name I didn’t catch, traumatically telling Smith not to talk about her defeat in the General Elections and declaring repetitively that she wasn’t an economist (and by God she wasn’t!) when trying to defend FF’s recent cutpausehalts. ‘I’m not an economist but I do have a basic understanding of accountancy’ she announced at one stage. I think that makes her overqualified for the position of Minister for Finance.
While various plays on P.S. I love you (P.S. I owe you, P.S. I robbed you) were offered nothing yet is known of Aherns proposed autobiography. Surely inside the cover we will find a slight extension of Oliver St. James Gogarty’s foreword to ‘As I Was Going Down Sackville Street’:
The names in this book are real, the characters and events fictitious.
Not a word of it has been written but already Smith is getting ahead of himself and elevating Ahern to the pantheon of Irish Arts. Hayes was of the opinion that former Taoisigh should be put to further use after their retirement and should be made non-voting members of the Seanad. The prospect of wheeling Garret Fitz. in with his trousers hoisted up to his shoulders where he has now decided to wear them and discussing the future of the Irish economy with Albert Reynolds and Charlie Haugheys freshly exhumed coffin give me little hope for the future. The cost alone of brining de Valera out of cryogenic freezing should be enough to scupper the idea. And perhaps Sam was of a similar mind to me. His first suggestion was the Council of State. Suggestion may be too strong a word. He just started throwing organisations at Hayes who replied that the Council was really just a joint meeting of the two houses of the Oireachtas and seldom convened. With Hayes not even having finished his sentence Smith had another suggestion:
Aosdana.
For those who don’t know Aosdana was set up in 1981 by the Arts Council and has only 250 members at a time. The organisation looks to honour Irish people within the arts…I think…in all truth I have no idea what it does. But at any one time no more then 7 living members may hold the title ‘Saoi’, which is its highest honour and is conferred on them by the President of Ireland. It doesn’t really mean anything but you get a stick, probably to beat stupid people with. People who have or do still hold the title of Saoi have included Samuel Beckett, Louis le Brocquy, Sean O’Faolain, Francis Stuart, Seamus Heaney, Anthony Cronin and Brian Friel. Ahern would want to write the next flipping Ulysses to be included in a group with people like that. Hayes remarked with a simple if not exasperated ’no’ when Aherns membership was suggested. Perhaps a position on the Nobel Prize Committee Sam?
There are only 2 reasons I can think of that a person writes a book for. Either they have belive they have something worthwhile to say or their desperate for money. I tried writing a book once. It was for reason the latter.
It’s a well known fact that Bertie has never had anything worthwhile to say. Willie Kealy has a lovely article on page 6 of today’s Sunday Independent entitled ‘Bertie’s pension hit by pay hike freeze‘.
Yes, after the horror of dropping from €271,822 as Taoiseach to a measly €97,747 as a back bencher we now expect Bertie to get by on an annual pension of just €207, 584. This would have gone up by €22,800 had Brian Blubber not put on hold the pay hike which would have added €38,178 to his own pay as Taoiseach. Bertie has so far gotten a once off of €130,567 when he handed over the hot potato…sorry, reigns of power to Brian Blubber and will get another once off of €146,620 on his permanent and much awaited retirement from politics AND has had an office done up for his use at the cost of €250k. Oh ya, he also gets a free mobile phone for life.
With money that tight no wonder he’s trying to scrap together a few pennies to stay alive. Maybe I was a bit too harsh. Admittance to Aosdana would bring his cash strapped pockets another 14k a year. Good thinking Sam.
But there is some good news on the horizon. It looks like the current tribunal has cost about €1bn, twice what the Minister for Finance was trying to cut this year. Letters have been sent, party members urged to use their influence with the officials involved. Conclusion or not, it looks like an attempt might be made shortly to bring the tribunal to an end.
So is that the state of affairs we find ourselves in now? Where officials, guilty or not, can not be investigated for corruption because it’s too expensive? Just another reason to be disgruntled in this fair nation of ours.

DisgruntledNation.com will have Bertie Aherns forthcoming autobiography available for pre-order. Please send a self addressed envelope and payment of 4 shillings to the editor to avail of this offer.